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slowbellie's take on: rock star - inxs

Did Michael Hutchence have ESP? Was he psychic? Because if so, then all of a sudden the reasoning behind his suicide (?) is crystal clear. Mike had seen into the future, and the future was Rockstar: INXS. What sad times we live in that a once-great band could so openly cash-in on their previous status as internationally renound rock stars, only to become internationally reknowned douchebags - and all in the name of salvaging the lavish lifestyle that they’ve grown so accustomed to.

That being said, let's review the roster of some of our future Michael Hutchence-es to be: First, there are the women: Dana, Daphna, Deanna, Heather, Jessica, Jordis, Suzie, and Tara. Now, I'm female, and I'm all for the discovery of female talent in a predominantly male-dominated industry… but wasn't Michael Hutchence a guy? Isn't the purpose of the show to replicate the INXS sound? Call me crazy, but not-a-one of these lame sallies is gonna cut it for me. Just no. No. Sorry, no. Next, we have the male contestants: Brandon, JD, Marty, Mig (Mig?), Ty, and of course, Wil – old one-"L" Wil (one "L" is, like, so hot this season). To their credit, at least Brandon and Mig look like Michael Hutchence (although they possess the collective talent of Ed the Talking Horse). But what about Ty, Marty and Wil? Ty is an eccentric Broadway stage performer. Marty is an actual musician in an actual band, but he would be better off impersonating someone that he sounds like (Mick Jagger, perhaps?) And as for Wil, he believes that "true success is measured by how many people are cheering for you when you finally make it to the top." So,'Wil' you be cheering? Bwahaha... I couldn’t resist.

Finally, we have the group's mentor, stylist and coach: Dave Navarro. Arguably the reigning king of all douchebags, Dave stars in yet another shining example of reality television (Till Death Do Us Part) in which he and his surgically-enhanced bride Carmen Electra have invited the world into their home (my favourite moments include Dave's vivid descriptions of his strict diet and exercise routines, and the episode in which they are both made up to look dead in a morgue… if only!) Not surprisingly, Dave acts as a fashion consultant on Rock Star as well as a judge – after all, style IS one of the key things that they're looking for! Yech. I could approach the issue of Dave Navarro giving anyone fashion advice in the first place (considering the staples of his wardrobe include mesh see-through shirts paired with crotch-enhancing leather pants), but hey, he is a gen-u-wine 'rock star'. Double yech. Hutchence must be rolling in his grave.

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